An Open Letter to a Friend

Dear Friend,

About a week ago you left our little slack channel never to return. I joined our little group about 15 years ago while we were on IRC. Although we have had members who have passed away or have fallen by the wayside for other reasons, I feel your leaving the channel was a shortsighted at worst and dumb at best. In the spirit of  John Adams in his letter to Thomas Jefferson when they renewed their friendship “You and I, ought not to die, before We have explained ourselves to each other.”, I’d like to explain where I think you’ve gone wrong.

Not to put too fine a point on it, you decided to leave because you couldn’t handle having people in the channel with different political opinions than you (myself included). The biggest crime was that they voted or may have voted for our current president. You considered this ” wrongthink ” and worked on changing their minds any chance you got. Having a civil conversation with you about any “hot issue” topic was impossible because you could not see past the fact that they were wrong and not paying attention to the “evidence” you provided. When they had the gall to disagree with you (not just ignore your provocation) matters got worse and the incivility was ratcheted up to 11 (as we know that it one more than ten). 

For some reason you didn’t want to be civil in any of these conversations. It is almost as if you felt that people who had different opinions then you should be punished and treated like little children who needed to be taught a lesson by a wiser, older adult. These rules put out by Rabbi Sacks would have been helpful. It’s a shame they didn’t come out before you left.

In a personal level, I feel that there was animosity toward me because of my being a religious Jew. On a number of occasions you made comments that at the line of anti-semitism if not over the line.  I called you on these statement and you always shrugged them off saying “it’s how my friends and I always talk to each other”. For all of your talk about inclusiveness and diversity my differences didn’t seem to matter and I could be made fun of as the “outsider. 

In spite of this, there were times when you did wonderful and kind things for me. The most recent time was when I was mentioned I didn’t have Netflix because it wasn’t in my budget. What did you do? You went and gifted me a year’s subscription to the service. I will be forever grateful for that kindness you showed me.

I hope that in time you decide to come back and join us when you get tired of the echo chambers you’ve decided to silo yourself in. If and when you do come back I hope that you have come to understand that when there are differences in opinions you should treat everyone with respect and a knowing that people are allowed to have different opinions. It’s what makes the world go around.

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